I went to the top of a mountain telling myself I could escape the troubles that were down below.
Mountains are so high, higher than my problems and towering over the things in my life that I think are so big, making them smaller and smaller until I can’t see them anymore, the higher I get. But I also realize that once on top of the mountain you have to come back down, and the thing that gets me is that the problems become big again, overwhelming again, and I get angry or sad again, only to have to go back to the top of the mountain again to feel peace. It’s a cycle, and after ten years of going to the top of something that made my problems merely seem small only to come back to reality with how big they really are, eventually it hit me. Something had to change.
Not only that, but my heart was growing weary because it was tired of running too. Running from love, correction, being uncomfortable, and most importantly, myself.
I’m realizing the beauty of an ending all that to say. The beauty that I could let something go that feels so comfortable and has enabled me to survive for so long. But that’s the point isn’t it, Survival? Because, this cycle of getting going so high is what kept me alive and going from day to day. Going to the top of the mountain gave me release from my painful reality and a glimmer of hope that I could find peace and tranquility. But after ten years of going through the same cycle of temporary relief, driving up the mountain, seeing my problems so small below, I realized I have to conquer the mountain within. And how in the world was I going to do that?
It’s so much easier to get away from it all, but I was tired of coming back to the same old reality. After spending so much money and time on this, that, and the other to find external relief, I realized that true peace comes from asking myself the hard questions. Questions like what am I running from? Who am I now vs then? Do I like who I’ve become? If not how do I fix it? Is it too late to fix it? If I think it’s too late, what stories am I telling myself that are no longer serving me? What can my life be now after trauma, and can I truly be happy here? What is happiness? What is love? Who am I really?
Once you start asking yourself these questions it’s an alarm that your soul is longing for change and that change looks like true and honest growth. And the dangers of not going along with it could turn into bitterness and manifest itself as jealousy, especially when you see others around you living a free life while you’re stuck in the prison of your past. And if I’m being honest, ain’t nobody got time for that.
And even though it’s scary I’ve discovered there’s an outpouring of healing when you invited these truths in. There's a freedom in it and you begin to live again by going through it whatever it may be. Because on the other side of facing it, you start to conquer your internal mountains, face your fears, and get a little less afraid to be alone with yourself to allow those truths to surface. The truths your soul has been yearning for you to face. Because in that truth lies the answers, and keys to unlock your destiny and the version of yourself you’ve been searching for.
And when all the tears swell and roll down your cheeks heavy with the truth of you facing your pains, sorrows, guilt and regrets… have the courage, grace, and forgiveness to wipe your face.
Draw a bubble bath.
Fill it with roses to remind yourself that you’re a queen.
Put on your favorite perfume.
Brew your favorite tea.
And embark on the journey to discover who you truly are.
The new version of us that emerges after disappointment or setbacks is the version that we were always meant to be. And God didn’t make a mistake when he made you.
And here’s a little advice…Don’t be afraid to meet her.
Whispers from the soul to dive into:
What am I running from?
Why am I running from it?
Who would I be if I faced it?
What am I grateful for?
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